A Suspended Sequence of Events
by tenrousei-kuroi
Summary: James's old bedroom contains the entire universe, and when Sirius stops the clocks, Regulus can't freely breathe.


**Summary:** James's old bedroom contains the entire universe, and when Sirius stops the clocks, Regulus can't freely breathe.

**Too Much Information/Author's Notes: **What in the hell is this? How did it get on my hard drive? Why can't I recollect the hour and a half of my life that occurred last night between my re-reading of some Jhonen Vasquez comics and going to bed? All these are very valid questions to which I don't have any answers. From as near as I can tell, I cranked this out in a very sleep-deprived state of mind around two o'clock last night. Upon further examination, I think my original intent was a little more risqué than what I settled on here. So if you read this and your mind goes to weird places…don't worry because you're probably on the right track. (Isn't that always just the case…?) I also apologize because this is very long. So go ahead and skim read it if you want, it's not like it makes much sense when you read it properly, anyway.

It's certainly bizarre, and there seems to be little _plot,_ but I don't think this story is all that bad, and I apparently don't appear to have the same problems implying such fucked-up things when I'm sleepy, unresponsive, and the only thing keeping me conscious is about a quart of solid taurine, as I do normally. Maybe if I repeat this vicious system of working myself into a disturbed state of lethargy and then gorging myself on Monsters at all hours of the night, I'll wake up the next day to a much more entertaining and explicit version of that Loveless fanfiction I've been mulling over these past few weeks.

**Warnings:**This is all pretty vague and I refuse to admit what I can reasonably assume I had in mind while writing this. Use your imagination. Also everything was edited by yours truly, so, be on your guard for typos. It's like, _changing tenses periodically to form some semblance of time suspension,_ _really, now?_ Why do I make things so hard on myself?

**Canon Compliance/etc.** Regulus, James, and Sirius are all bunked together in a house of their own, inside which screwed-up and inappropriate things may or may not be occurring. There is also a room which contains the entire universe. Does that sound at all like canon to you? Didn't. Think. So. Also ages, here, let me see…let's make Sirius and James about 18 since they're just out of school and then do some math to arrive with Regulus being perhaps 15. (15? Oh, yay, now I get to factor Regulus being underage into all my previous vague and unhelpful warnings…)

**Blah, Blah, Blah**: As always, leave a review if the mood strikes you. You're welcome to write flames, too, so long as you don't mind my complete lack of caring. Pointing out typos or verbs I put in the wrong tense is also appreciated since I spend so much of my time complaining about everyone else's grammar and therefore probably shouldn't make too many mistakes myself. Any questions will be answered so ask away if you're confused on anything, and feel free to send me a personal message if you just feel like chatting. Most of my interests are listed on my profile, but I'm always excited to hear about cool things I haven't read or seen yet.

Okay, let's get started already and-_Jesus Christ why is everything I write about Regulus?_ I must have a complex or something.

* * *

><p>This room is strange<em>,<em> thought Regulus, and he walked in a little deeper. Each step forward was one step down, but each stair ran the length of every wall. The middle of the room was flat and when Regulus reached it, he found he could no longer see the door.

Everything seemed to be rather blurry, like the room was painted over in pastels.

And everywhere there seemed to be stars. He wondered if Sirius knew this is what James's old bedroom looked like by night.

* * *

><p>"<em>This isn't right," Sirius says. "There's something very wrong in the universe."<em>

"_Turn the clocks off, Padfoot, it's midnight."_

_Regulus is crouching, silent, in the corner, thinking maybe Sirius will forget he is in the room, though he has not been given expressed permission to leave._

_Sirius raises his wand,"effrego vicis, effrego vicis, effrego vicis," he mutters, aiming at nothing in particular and a slight glare develops on all the reflective surfaces of the house. This light glows purple briefly and then fades quickly, and Sirius continues to murmur until Regulus lets out a choked cry and grips his left wrist tightly in his right hand._

_He feels jilted and it hurts._

_Sirius slowly lowers his wand._

"_I know you're still back there, Reggie. I can hear you."_

* * *

><p>It had been a very long time since Regulus had left their house. James and Sirius went out now and then, of course, to buy food, to socialize, to go to Order meetings, to work, and all that. Not Regulus, though. He cringed in fear every time they came home, yet sulked all the while if they were both ever gone.<p>

Lately, however, his free time alone in the house was otherwise occupied.

"Bed, nightstand, bookshelf, radio, porn…there are no stars or stairs here," said Regulus in confusion. "And I don't understand, it _is_ dark outside…then why does his room look normal?"

Perhaps the trigger was not the night after all. Regulus heard the lock on the door click, and he could feel the wards open briefly. He scampered back into the living room, thinking he would have to regroup.

Sirius and James had brought a visitor home with them. It was Lily, their friend, and her eyes fell immediately on Regulus. She whispered to James, "I thought Sirius was on bad terms with his family?" but Regulus could hear her and thought that by her tone she was anything but surprised that he was there.

"Oh, Lily," Sirius said, slinging a long arm over Regulus's small shoulders, "My brother is staying here for just a few days while my parents are out of town." He was pretending that he had meant to say such things all along.

Yes_,_ thought Regulus as his brother aimed a playful punch at his stomach before releasing him, just a few days.

Lily cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "Well if it's an excuse to have your baby brother over to visit, then it is definitely a good thing."

James meandered into the kitchen to start cooking dinner and Lily excused herself to go and help him. Sirius was left alone with his brother. Slowly his cold demeanor returned, but he allowed Regulus to hug him briefly before he gently pushed the younger away and left to go and assist his friends.

Regulus blinked slowly, still standing exactly where Sirius had left him, and listened to the clock in the hallway strike six.

Their meal that night was unusually exquisite, and Regulus had the idea James and Sirius were trying to impress their friend, convince her they were surviving just fine on their own. Regulus, personally, got the impression Lily didn't much care one way or the other about their eating habits.

James and Lily talked about pointless things, and Sirius interjected now and then, but he spent most of his time staring at his brother with intrigue.

At nine, Regulus excused himself from everyone's company, (Lily looked regretful that he was taking leave) and Sirius almost followed him. James gave him a look, however, and the two briefly and silently argued. In the end, James followed Regulus down the hall because he said the clocks were loud and hurting his head, leaving Sirius and Lily to make small talk well into the night.

* * *

><p>"<em>Calm down, Sirius, relax," James is in a better mood suddenly after Sirius's spell. "Just cool…"<em>

_Sirius breaths heavily for a moment, and then, shaking his head, he turns to face the living room wall. "They are gaining power," he says simply. "Soon they'll have the ministry. That's what's wrong with the world. In what fucked-up time and place…would this be allowed to happen?"_

_James, from his seat across the room, is watching Sirius intently. From the far corner, he can hear Regulus breathing slowly and with difficultly, as if there is a cloth over his face._

"_Don't think like that please. We'll beat them."_

_With a gross popping noise, Regulus finds he can intake a normal amount of air again, at the cost of an intense burning in his throat. Sirius looks sullenly over his shoulder at James._

"_At what cost?" he asks._

_James blinks._

* * *

><p>"Hey Regulus," said Lily, looking up from the comic book she was holding. "Don't you scamper off just yet. Come here."<p>

Regulus, who had in keeping with his avoidance of Lily, been about to dash back out of the kitchen the instant he saw her, hesitated and hovered in the doorway, unsure.

Lily beckoned him closer and repeated, "come here, silly." Reluctantly, Regulus complied, and he sat as far from her as he could while still being at the same table.

Lily glanced at her wrist, then she brought it to her ear and listened.

"You know, I think my watch stopped."

Regulus was silent. Lily took him in with her slanted green eyes.

"What're you doing up at three in the morning, anyway, honey? Couldn't sleep, either?"

Regulus gave a small smile and said, "Why exactly are you visiting, Lily?"

"What?" she exclaimed in mock outrage. "Can't a girl visit two of her best friends for a day or two just for the hell of it?"

Regulus shook his head.

"No?" asked Lily. "Well then, alright. I've left home."

"You're nineteen."

Lily laughed. "You're right," she said. "But I had planned on staying home with my family until I'm steady on my own, I…I was saving my money." She shook her head. "It's not a big deal, anyway. But…the apartment I've signed on to rent won't be vacant for a few more weeks so I'm sort of sofa surfing. You know, a few days here, a few days there."

Regulus rubbed his throat. "You couldn't stick it out a few more days at your parents'?"

"I'm not really welcome there anymore I don't think," said Lily sadly.

"Well then you and Sirius must have had a lot to talk about earlier."

Lily looked at him curiously, nodding her head a little. "Earlier…" she murmured, fixing Regulus with a bizarre stare. Regulus, feeling uncomfortable under her knowing scrutiny, tried to stand up to leave but Lily stopped him. She dashed up from her chair and grabbed his wrist, then sat down in the seat adjacent to him, pulling Regulus down with her.

"I'm sorry," she said, panicking. "Anyway, it's not like that. They'd never say anything."

"What's so terrible you couldn't stay there another month?" asked Regulus, voice a little testy. "What made you have to leave absolutely _right now this second not an instant later?_"

Lily was still holding onto Regulus's wrist, and her grip tightened. Her speech became broken. "Petunia, my sister, is studying at the university and living at home right now, too. And, uh…my parents screwed up royally these past few years. They can't have us home at the same time anymore." She shook her head. "Sissy can't take it, and I understand where she's coming from. I can't be there, I'm hurting her."

"I see," said Regulus. He instantly calmed back down and now he looked sincere. "You can't hurt your sister, you just can't."

"You understand that, don't you?" Lily continued to cut off the circulation to Regulus's left hand. "Going to college, accomplishing things, she needs our parents' affections all to herself right now. Even they've finally clued in that even mentioning me only reminds her of everything she can't ever be. I need to be out of the picture. I'm sad, but I'd do anything she needs me to do because she's my big sister. You of all people, really get that feeling, don't you? Maybe even more so. You'd do…whatever they want because you love them. You'd do…whatever they need because they're your older…sibling."

In that moment, Regulus placed his free hand on top of Lily's. Partly to remind her that his fingers were numb, and partly because it was the most comforting gesture he could think of which involved the least amount of touching. Lily released him, and seemed to compose herself.

"Heh, what brought all that about?" she tried to laugh, but it sounded forced.

"So why _were_ you wandering about during the night, Regulus?"

"I couldn't sleep," he answered stiffly.

"Oh honey, you're such a terrible liar," she said. And then the red-head decided to end their conversation. She threaded her fingers through Regulus's hair and leaned forward so she could kiss him lightly on the temple. "Go back to bed now, Regulus, before he wakes up and misses you."

Regulus grimaced as the last of the pride he pretended to have died painfully. He left Lily alone at the kitchen table, facing the ground as he walked. She watched him go with her head in her hands and called softly after him, "I'll be gone tomorrow, I promise. I'll find another place to stay for a while. You won't see me in the morning but…it was nice finally meeting you, and good night."

* * *

><p>"<em>You are thinking too negatively. The cost is even greater if we sit idly by and do nothing. People are going to die, Sirius. No matter what."<em>

"_That doesn't mean I have to accept it. It's people like my family who are ruining the world."_

_James rocks back in his chair casually, looking to the ceiling. "Who's gone now?" he asks patiently, willing to let Sirius talk himself out._

"_Lily," he answers shortly. "That's who."_

"_I already knew that."_

_To Regulus, however, this is news, and he feels a sudden sadness come over him, as well as an overwhelming urge to be alone in James's former bedroom again because he knows Sirius has inadvertently activated it already._

"_Fuck, James, she was your best friend, show some anger! It was probably one of my motherfucking cousins that killed her, too, you know."_

_James says slowly and with great caution. "We don't know who did it. You may be beginning to separate people by white and…black standards again. And you need to stop doing that, for good."_

"_She was your best friend," Sirius repeats. Regulus closes his eyes._

"_No," says James. "_You're_ my best friend."_

* * *

><p>He had been warned of course, but the next morning Regulus was surprised and even a little bit sad to see that Lily was gone. At the same time, though, a part of him was relieved that things were at least back to normal, and he could forget that she—that anybody—<em>knew.<em> Had ever known.

And so he finally managed to catch the room at the right time again. He got out of bed quietly, and paused just long enough to make sure Sirius was still covered by the blankets as he had a habit of throwing them everywhere. Then, he sneaked out into the hallway as silently as was possible.

In the center of the room, sitting down on the floor, Regulus drew shaky breaths. He covered his face with his hands and peered through the gaps between his fingers like he was looking at all the stars through a mask.

And it seemed as though they whispered to him, like everything around him was, at this hidden hour of the night, alive. While everyone else slept for a minute, Regulus sat immersed for an hour in the stars and the nebulas. And he found that he could not exactly touch these things around him, but that a movement on his part caused a massive shifting of all the lights and dark spaces surrounding him.

They were making room for him, bending to his will, or they were avoiding him like he was diseased, worthless. He could choose to see it either way.

He hurried back to bed, but the action made him uncomfortable. He could feel the tug of the stars behind him all the way, trying unceasingly to drag him back.

* * *

><p>"<em>Fuck," says Sirius again, and he finally settles. He sits down at James's feet—<em>lounges, _and he tips his head back, eyes closed. Regulus nervously meets James's eye, but the latter makes no indication of noticing him, so Regulus slowly stands up and as softly as he can, tiptoes to the door. He hasn't gone five steps, however, when Sirius's voice cuts through him coldly._

"_Where do you go at night, Reggie, where do you go?"_

_Sirius opens his eyes and looks at his brother. Regulus shifts uncomfortably, and wonders what will happen if he does not answer the question._

"_Come here," says Sirius, eyes boring into Regulus, and when he hesitates, Sirius repeats himself more harshly and even James gives Regulus a look. Regulus walks to where Sirius is, and quickly sits down, trying not to shake._

_But for once Sirius does not act on his anger; he keeps what is most Black about him locked down somewhere and only pulls Regulus into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. Sirius clunks his chin on top of Regulus's head and manages to get him to smile just a little and snuggle back into the embrace._

_James looks questioningly at Sirius, who nods briefly, and then he too reaches down and strokes the side of Regulus's face softly._

_And still through the contentment Regulus can hear his brother carefully whisper, "I'm going to tell you one more time. Don't do it again."_

* * *

><p>Early in the morning, before the clocks had even started running again, Regulus returned to the room. He had hours, he figured, before James and Sirius needed to be up, it was the weekend after all, Sirius wouldn't crawl out of bed before noon, and only after being bribed with food at that.<p>

And so he laid out flat on his back, and stared at the many small suns around him. Their gravity was strong and he could feel it, but he liked to think his will was stronger. He could resist them, he knew it.

Then Regulus, to his horror, felt a familiar jolt in his stomach, a sort of intuition almost, that meant Sirius was angry. He must have woken up.

The universe flickered for a moment, like it was deciding between disappearing and staying strong, and was determined to pick the most beneficial choice for itself. But the clocks had started again, Regulus realized, and so the colors around him quickly faded away, and what had been black space before was now only the empty air of an extra bedroom.

Regulus felt like he was going to throw up. There were footsteps past the door, but they did not open it. Regulus knelt quietly and listened. In the hallway he could hear James speaking in calming tones to Sirius.

"Sh, man, relax, I'm sure it's fine."

Sirius said something undistinguishable.

"He must have just been unable to sleep, Padfoot, I'm sure he's here in the house somewhere, did you check the kitchen? Or the attic? I've found him napping up there sometimes when I come home for lunch."

"Stop trying to cover up for him, it won't work."

Regulus stopped breathing. He had to be quiet.

"You're overreacting."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, waking me up this early is considered overreacting. Here, why don't we just go and search for him together, alright? I'm sure we'll find him somewhere around here, probably completely unaware of the total worried mess he's made you."

"I am not a mess," Sirius growled, and even Regulus, through the door, could almost feel the static in the air.

"Yes you are, really, look at you, all worked up and bothered. He's _here,_ Sirius," Regulus could just picture James shaking his head and smiling that goofy smile. "As much as he might want to, he'd never leave, you know that."

"He doesn't want to leave," Sirius insisted. He and James were carrying their conversation down the hall, and Regulus could hear them opening doors. He breathed a small sigh of relief that they were going in the direction away from him.

"Regulus can't be happy here, Sirius, he's basically your prisoner."

"No, no, Regulus _has_ to stay here. If he's here with me he's not with them. This way he won't be like them, this way he'll be always mine."

"So possessive, mate," James's voice was fading as he and Sirius made their way further from Regulus's hiding place. "Anyone would think you were an only child the way you refuse to share."

They were far enough away now that Regulus was left to imagine the scathing comment Sirius would surely throw back at James. It would be bad if they eventually found the younger Black here, so Regulus took a moment to compose himself, and then he opened the door and prepared to step back into the hallway.

* * *

><p><em>Their next meal is tense, and they do not eat at the table in the dining room, after all, Lily is dead. Instead, James and Sirius sit in armchairs, their plates in their laps, and Regulus is on the floor against the wall, slowly drinking his wine, if only to have something to do with his hands. He finds that he is not hungry much lately.<em>

_The silence in the room is heavy and it makes Regulus uneasy, so he gets up to bring his and the others' dishes to the kitchen to set them by the sink. He reaches to turn the faucet on, but stops suddenly because Sirius has followed him. James, too, he notices from the corner of his eye, is lounging in the archway between the kitchen and the living room, his arms folded. He seems agitated himself, and Regulus sends him a quick, desperate look, but it becomes obvious that James meant what he implied before, and he is done trying to make up for Sirius's behavior._

_Regulus looks back at the ground and his eyes glaze over. He focuses on nothing and tries to block off all his senses, pretend he doesn't notice Sirius's arm around his neck, chest flush against his back._

_James all but growls, "Share, Sirius."_

"_Like you would," Sirius points out, "if I gave you the chance."_

* * *

><p>But James was there, just outside the door, and his tall figure loomed over Regulus in the threshold. Regulus let out a small, startled noise, and stumbled backwards.<p>

James smiled. "So this is where you've been," he commented, walking into the room. "This is my old bedroom," he continued idly, taking a good look at the place. He turned back to Regulus. "What're you doing in here, little one?"

For a moment, Regulus was silent, but then he found himself answering quite truthfully.

"Coping," he said.

James didn't appear to understand.

"Don't…don't tell Sirius I was in here," Regulus continued, giving James his most desperate pleading look. "I don't want him to know."

"You sure seem to be sneaking around a lot, lately," said James.

Regulus paled.

"Calm down, kiddo, I get it, you were bound to go stir crazy locked up in here sooner or later. If Sirius would allow it, in fact, I would take you out once and a while, then maybe you wouldn't act out like this. But he'd never go for that, you know."

Regulus mumbled something indistinct, but he found himself thinking that an afternoon out with James, doing anything, it didn't matter what, actually sounded nice. He briefly wondered what it would be like to go to a muggle movie, get something to eat afterwards, _talk laugh hug._ He shook himself. Dreaming wouldn't do him any good right now.

"What was that?" asked James.

"I said no, he wouldn't," Regulus conceded.

James ruffled his hair. "Ah, keep your head up, little one. He loves you."

Regulus locked his eyes to the ground, his black hair, which Sirius had him growing almost to his shoulders and into his eyes, covered his face and expression.

"Regulus?" James grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him lightly. He leaned down and tilted his head, meeting Regulus's eyes. He seemed concerned, or more like agitated. "Answer me, I said Sirius loves you."

Regulus's heart sank when James insisted on mentioning Sirius, but he didn't know why. James was always trying to mediate between him and his brother, calming Sirius down when he got angry (which was often), coaxing Regulus into behaving, although sometimes he would slip up and drive Regulus back in the same terror Sirius could invoke in him. Regulus, however, could forgive this.

"Regulus, I _said_—"

"I love my brother too, James, I do."

"How much?" asked James quietly.

This seemed a strange question to Regulus, but he still answered honestly. "Enough to not kill myself."

James hugged Regulus to his chest and laughed a little. "Okay now, let's get you out of here; Sirius shouldn't know you've been hanging out in my old bedroom. It'll make him jealous and all that."

"Jealous," Regulus muttered into James's shirt. He didn't resist when James led him into the living room to find his brother, telling him to do his best to look little and cute.

* * *

><p><em>Regulus tries to be like Sirius, he really does, but he finds it hard to truly take any side at all. The thought of the fighting and of the rising Dark Lord does terrify him, but in the end he doesn't care which side wins so long as all his family is on it. He just wants his family alive and together, but somewhere deep inside himself he knows it's not in the Blacks' nature to display an all-encompassing love, and so he settles for just Sirius. If he has to choose between Sirius and the rest of his family, he will always choose his brother.<em>

_He can defy them, he knows he can. Let them try and warp his mind, he can withstand it. The constant weight they place on his every thought, it won't break him, he can ignore it, and he can make their voices fade to silence. He will not give Sirius a reason to doubt him._

_But doubt him Sirius does. He does not trust Regulus and it is not because he thinks Regulus particularly inclined to racism or maliciousness, but simply because he finds his brother's courage to be lacking. Sirius thinks Regulus is weak, easily controlled by others, and that is perfectly alright so long as it is Sirius who is pulling Regulus's strings. If Sirius can be the one to tweak the horizontal control bar, then Regulus's frail will and naivety are nothing more than endearing qualities, no longer threatening._

_However this all hinges on Regulus's complete isolation, at least until such a time as the Dark Lord is no longer a threat. With Tom Riddle gone, the purebloods will all sink back down to their regular, monotonous existence. With no leader to push them forward they will be content to sit and sneer at the inferior, but surely no more real harm will come to anyone._

_Regulus takes all this into account. He finds he can understand and even rationalize his brother's actions, and to him, the amount of effort Sirius puts out, however possessive it may be, to make sure Regulus is not sucked into that black hole that is the Blacks and the Death Eaters, is something Regulus sees as an act of pure love. So he suppresses his preference for James, James he doesn't need, James pushes him away, anyway, gets his hopes up by guarding him from Sirius's tirades just long enough to take advantage of Regulus in the way of stress relief himself. It is James who is weak, he is the one who cannot think with his mind._

"_I'm sorry, Sirius," Regulus says, content to lay his head on his brother's shoulder. He is done thinking now. Sirius, who had been drifting off already like he always does wakes back up with a slight start. He looks down at Regulus quizzically, who continues, "I won't wander anymore, okay?"_

"_Mm, okay," and just as fast Sirius is out again, his head lolling gently to the side so it rests atop Regulus's. Regulus smiles a little._

_This is the way James finds them when he wakes up that morning and meanders into the living room on the prowl for food. He stops to roll his eyes at them. "You didn't even make it up the stairs, Padfoot?" he asks, nudging his long-time friend with his foot. Sirius swats at his leg without opening his eyes, and tries to settle back into sleep._

"_God, why don't you give Regulus a little couch space, you selfish brat?"_

_Sirius is fully awake now and he rubs his eyes tiredly. Regulus pretends to still sleep, even though Sirius has displaced him and his head now rests at an awkward angle on the armrest._

"_I'm hungry," James says._

"_Yeah, me too," says Sirius, pushing Regulus onto the floor. "Up, Reggie," he gripes. "I need to eat, then James and I are heading to a meeting."_

_Regulus lands on all fours on the floor and sits up onto his knees. James and Sirius area already in the kitchen. He waits for a while to see if they will bring him something, or call him in with them to eat but they don't and so he sighs, forgotten. It isn't until Sirius is grabbing his jacket and James is holding open the door, the wards briefly down, that Sirius remembers his brother._

"_Oh shit, Reggie," he says, yanking his hair out from inside his collar. "You didn't eat anything, did you?"_

_He stares at Regulus for a moment before shrugging, a little guilty. "Well hold out for today, alright? I already locked the cupboards and everything. I'll…" he pauses to think. "I'll make you something really special for breakfast tomorrow, okay? James and I won't be home until very, very late. So…" he starts to walk out the door, a little flustered still. He turns back and points to Regulus. "So you'd better be in bed, got it? I don't want to have to hunt you down…"_

_Regulus nods his head and with that the two of them leave, James muttering to Sirius as he closes the door behind them, "Take better care of you special things, Sirius, or they might run away from you."_

* * *

><p>"These nighttime escapades need to stop," was all Sirius said to him before he grabbed Regulus by the arm and steered him back down the hall. Regulus, who had, quite frankly, expected to be struck, still felt a little indignant when Sirius pushed him into their bedroom and then closed to door, locking it from the outside before returning to James, presumably to vent some more.<p>

Regulus may have referred to it as their bedroom but it was really Sirius's, all the things in it belonged to him and all Regulus really did was spend his nights there, he didn't much touch anything. At that moment, he felt like rummaging through Sirius's possessions out of pure spite, but thought maybe pressing his luck wasn't the best idea, and Sirius would know if he had touched his things.

It took Regulus a while to calm down, his heart was still racing from the thrill of nearly being caught and the brief anger he'd felt towards Sirius, but when he was normal again, he thought about Lily, and what she had said to him.

He wondered what she would tell her friends, tell the people she stayed with, tell her new neighbors when she moved into her apartment. Would she mention him at all? If she did, would she say what Sirius had said, that Regulus was visiting because his brother had been disowned two years ago and he'd missed him? Or would she confirm what anyone with eyes would already suspect? That Regulus, who had not shown up to school that year, was never going to leave, was for all intents and purposes, dead to the world? Regulus shuddered to think that she might go even further, she could tell them all the horrible details that she'd guessed. She knew, after all, she had seemed to know everything, and it frightened Regulus that she might tell.

It wasn't so much the embarrassment at anyone else knowing, but more the risk that exposure might disrupt their arrangement here. Suddenly Regulus thought of the very real possibility that Lily might, even inadvertently, cause his rescue and subsequent replacement to Grimmauld Place.

And he found that he didn't want to go. All at once he seemed to need reassurance. He wanted to sit in that room, wanted to see the stars again, wanted them to burn him, calm him down, but he coulnd't go there, a sudden clearness in his head and chest told him James had started the clocks up again anyway, the room wouldn't work.

Dejected, he leaned against the wall, sank to the floor, and called out for Sirius because suddenly he really needed him.

* * *

><p><em>Regulus is trying to ignore the slight burning in his stomach a few hours after James and Sirius have left when he realizes that his lungs are still messed up as well, and his throat congested. Before they left they had forgotten to switch the clocks back on.<em>

_Suddenly Regulus perks up considerably. For a moment he thinks he should try to turn them on himself, surely that would be what Sirius would want, but then he remembers sadly that Sirius has long ago taken his wand. Where in his room it is hidden would be a guess and Regulus thinks if Sirius found out he had searched for it he would be in trouble, whether he had fixed the clocks or not._

_Regulus is scared somewhat, to be all alone in the house with absolutely no concept of time and, momentarily forgetting his promise to Sirius, he slinks into James's former room, a wave of heat passing over him as he steps closer to the stars._

* * *

><p>Yet Sirius did not come to him, not ready to forgive Regulus his misdemeanor. James, however, caved and opened the door, and Regulus was such a mess that for a while really he was dumbstruck, he didn't know what to do. He'd stepped through the door immediately to see Regulus against the far wall, on the floor, and shaking like someone fresh out of a lot of pain, and for a second, he panicked.<p>

"What's wrong with you?" he demanded, approaching Regulus quickly. "Stop it, Regulus, shut up!"

But Regulus was still trembling and babbling incoherently for Sirius, words like_ home _and_ everyone else_ and _stay_ kept cropping up.

"Be quiet, Regulus," James insisted, grabbing his left forearm and twisting hard. It brought tears to Regulus's eyes but he still couldn't calm down. Everything anyone had ever told him seemed to be crashing through his mind at that exact moment, leaving him confused and terrified.

Mother says this—

Sirius says that—

Lily said—Lily _knew—_

James was not used to being disobeyed, and really had no practice with how to handle the situation at all. He hit Regulus on the face, the neck, the head, the back, and still he wouldn't stop. Frustrated, he took out his wand and with a flourish brought it down. That finally got Regulus's attention as the side of his face split open, bright lines of red dripping to the floor, and his entire torso felt like it had been struck by something large, heavy, and blunt.

All was frozen for a moment.

Finally James spoke.

"Hey, Reg, are you okay?" he asked cautiously. He hadn't meant to hurt him, he really hadn't. He had perhaps been a little over zealous. Regulus, however, looked terrified of him and was backing away quickly while frantically trying to stop the flow of blood from his face.

And now he was screaming in earnest. Before it had been talking, words mostly, and while James had been unable to stand the noise a part of him realized that all Regulus had been before was insecure and asking for his brother. Now, though, he was well beyond freaking out. There was a lot of blood cascading from between his fingers and he couldn't seem to keep his balance.

And he was being so _loud_. Sirius would definitely notice the sudden change from pleas and cries to this screaming bloody murder.

"No, no, no, no, no, calm down, please," James said worryingly. Regulus had managed to back himself into the wall again, which only aggravated the bruises on his back and shoulders, causing him to shudder and collapse to the ground. "Damn it, Regulus! You're hurting yourself more and Sirius is going to kill me."

Or me, thought Regulus bitterly, pressing his face into the floor to try and muffle his yells.

* * *

><p><em>There is something wrong this time, though, there is too much movement, and everything seems bigger, like the stars and nebulas have drifted closer. Suddenly the room is not as comforting as before, not as fascinating, either. Now it is just frightening.<em>

_Regulus turns and finds that the door seems far away. The gravity of the stars is weighing more heavily on him now, and when he tries to step forward, he staggers, unbalanced. He tries to leave but he falls down a lot, and crawling is nearly impossible. He can't even make it to the stairs. He is drawn like a magnet back to the center of the room, fighting all the way, but that doesn't do him much good._

* * *

><p>Sirius was silent when he approached them. James seemed afraid to touch Regulus, or get too near him, and was settling for clenching and unclenching his fists in nervous frustration. From over James's shoulder, Sirius waved his wand once, closing the side of his brother's face so that while most of the now drying blood remained, nothing was freshly spilling out. Regulus looked up at him with wide eyes.<p>

Sirius waved James out of the room, not angrily, though, because he was never angry at James, the one he considered to be his brother, his comrade-in-arms. James left the room feeling relieved that Sirius was going to place all the blame on Regulus.

Regulus's eyes were still watering from pain, and so he looked down at his hands.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say, but Sirius wasn't in the mood for it. He struck Regulus hard upside the head and said curtly, "It is way too early in the fucking morning for these antics of yours. Now I'm going to go find something to eat—" Regulus interrupted him by making eye contact, and giving the most pitiful and hopeful face he could manage. Sirius sighed. "—yes, of course I'll bring you something. But you are going to stay in here until I get back (and you are going to be silent), and then we are going to have a very long discussion, understand?"

Regulus let out a soft sob but nodded. Sirius made to leave the room but stopped and came back. He picked Regulus up off the floor, blatantly ignoring his small gasps of pain. He set him down almost gently on the bed, murmuring, "lay down."

Regulus reached up with one hand and touched Sirius's chest. "I love you," he muttered shyly.

Sirius waved his wand again, cleaning the dried blood from Regulus's face and unmatting his hair. Then he leaned down, kissed his brother's neck, and touched their noses briefly. "Yeah, I love you, too, Reggie, and don't worry, you're not going anywhere. I won't let anyone or anything take you away."

Regulus fell asleep without even bothering to wonder how Sirius knew what had been troubling him.

* * *

><p><em>The universe seems to have him pinned down, and an onslaught of direct heat is making him writhe and sweat. The stars swirl and hold him down. Even when he closes his eyes, he can still see them, little bright dots growing bigger and bigger, surrounded by wisps of green and pink, and the occasional blue swirl. Panting heavily, Regulus realizes his left arm feels like it is on fire. Screaming, he opens his eyes and looks at what is happening.<em>

_The muscles in his arm are convulsing uncontrollably. The whole limb is shaking and jumping and…burning, like the stars are branding him, searing deep into his flesh, to the bone, weaving their way around the very magic that exists within him. Regulus closes his eyes again and passes out, thinking it would be hours before James and Sirius come home, and longer still until they found him. His last coherent thought is bitter:_

_Sirius has tried so hard and so long to convince him that he cannot withstand any exposure at all, that he is too soft, but Regulus hasn't minded to listen. He has thought he could withstand it, that he could resist his family and everything they threw at him. But sometimes the influence is just too strong. He should have known better. Well now, he supposes, Sirius will _make_ him know better._

_And James? James will wait his turn, because Sirius can sometimes be a bitch about sharing._

* * *

><p>Very long, indeed.<p>

When Sirius was done with him he began to pace and Regulus, shaking and sad, tripped over to the wall and sank down to the floor of the room. He held his breath.

James joined them eventually, and he seemed lightly agitated by some persistent noise only he could hear. He sat down in a chair far from Regulus and Sirius began to rant because he was sure there was something innately _wrong_ with the world, or perhaps the universe as a whole. It was being pulled and tugged by some malignant source that he could not separate in his mind from his family. Like they themselves were the very stars whose gravity was ripping the cosmos apart from all different sides, and James, ever the peaceful one, still tried vainly to bring his friend to reconciliation with his family and with the world.

"Turn the clocks off, Padfoot, it's midnight."


End file.
